Movie Reboots That Answered Stupid Questions Nobody Asked. And why did Sam Raimi give us a Wizard of Oz who banged Dorothy's mom? Hopefully we'll never find out. Remake screenwriters love to fuck up the original film's ending. For example, the original ending of The Wicker Man is unforgettable: Sergeant Howie screams prayers as he burns to death inside a giant wicker statue while the pagan townspeople dance and sing around it, gleefully assured of a bountiful harvest. It is terrifying, surreal, and absolutely haunting.↓Continue Reading Below.

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Then Nicholas Cage comes along, doing what he does best, which is soundly wrecking the shit out of the place. Now we finally get to see what happens after the iconic moment.

As though anybody needed that. In a tacked- on scene, six months later, we see Cage's ex- fiancee and "Sister Honey" in a bar trying to lure in a new victim played by James Franco. As if you'd have to "lure" James Franco to a weird animal mask sex cult island.

The screenwriter for Dirty Dancing: Dance Harder also tacked on an ending following the famous dance scene. We now flash forward to see that Baby has grown up to become an author, and wrote a book about her time with Johnny. She's married and has a kid with some other random guy - - because Johnny is like the wind, out of your reach - - but she has gone to watch Johnny's "Dirty Dancing" play on Broadway. Watch The Neighbor Online.

Because the writer has ironically painted themselves into a corner wherein any flirtation would mean Johnny was trying to wreck a family, the pair simply go their separate ways. In those few minutes of hackneyed dialogue, Johnny has been relegated to the annals of Manic Pixie Dream Boyhood, where he surely rules with an iron crotch. Nathan Kamal lives in Oregon and writes there. He co- founded Asymmetry Fiction for all your fiction needs.

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